(Part 4) Because We Find Ourselves Amusing...

even if no one else does.



Since we were all dressed up for Joey's party, Tommy, Aurora, Jenny and I all decided that we absolutely had to run to the store for a few last minute items.

Aurora was in character, squawking and strutting across the parking lot. And, surprisingly, sober. Not that it's surprising that she's sober in general, but it's surprising that she's acting like this and also sober.

Unless, of course, you know her. Then you kind of expect it.


(I love how Aurora's holding up that pipe in every single picture, even when she doesn't know she's having her picture taken. Also, this is what I look like when I come to the store without a list and can't remember what it is that we came for.)


(I'm not sure Jenny approves of all this silliness.)


(The best eyebrows ever.)

And clearly, Joey is just as ridiculous as the rest of us.



We really are our own entertainment.

(And thanks Aurora, for all the pics and videos. Except the close up of my chest. We have Jenny to thank for that one.)

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Related Posts
Alice In Wonderland Tea Party- (Part 1) The Costumes
(Part 2) Painting the Roses Red
(Part 3) The Birthday Cake

Weird Adult Wednesday- Best Day Ever

This picture is of Joey after we heard that the Wiener Mobile was in town.

Strangely enough, though, today's story isn't about her. Mainly because she was not the one who was excited to tears by the whole experience.



(Here's the conversation between me and Jenny and Aurora, as best as I can remember.)

Aurora: Today is the Best Day Ever! I went to the grocery store and I saw the WIENER MOBILE! I didn't want to run right up to it and seem too excited, so I decided to go shopping first. But then I started to freak out that by the time I was done they might be gone. The whole time I was inside the store I kept saying to myself, "Be cool, be cool."

Wendy: You were crying weren't you?

Aurora: I was trying not to.

Aurora: So I finished shopping and asked the wiener mobile people if I could have a picture. The lady didn't understand and thought I wanted to take it of just the wiener mobile. So I had to explain that No, I wanted a picture of me standing next to the wiener mobile.

Aurora: Then I asked for an Oscar Mayer Wiener Whistle.

Jenny: I didn't know there was a such a thing.

Aurora: Of course there's a wiener whistle. But she said I needed to sing the song to get it. But I was so excited...

Jenny: and crying by this time, right?

Aurora: Oh yah, totally. So I was so excited (and crying) that I couldn't remember the words, so they had to whisper them to me every other line. But I got my whistle!

Wendy: Probably because they thought you were a special needs person. After you left, I'm sure they even remarked on how high-functioning you were.

Aurora: Yah, something like... Oh good for her. She almost remembered all the words to the Oscar Mayer wiener song.



Love you, Rora. Your enthusiasm for life really does make you special.

(More info about the Wiener Mobile here.)

How Not to React

I was inspired to write this post mostly due to this Anonymous comment- "The only thing I would suggest that your readers might like to see is more articles about your FABULOUS brother. KA-KOW!"


(I do have a better picture of the two of us together, but it's almost 5 years old. In it, both of us are thinner and have more hair. Sad.)

My brother Tommy rents a room at our sister Jenny’s house. I’m always shocked and awed that they can live together, even more surprised that Jenny’s SO doesn’t have a problem with it. Or he pretends not to have a problem with it, which is just as good. None of this is relevant to the following story except to establish the fact that Tommy lives with Jenny.

Got it? OK, I’ll move on.

One week, Jenny and Brad went out of town. They had left in the morning, after Tommy had gone to work. Later that evening, he returned home, watched TV for awhile and then got up to head to bed. It was at this point that he noticed that the back door was unlocked. Usually Jenny is very particular about making sure everything is locked up, so Tommy was mildly creeped out. He found it hard not to picture the person who had snuck into the house and was waiting to ambush him and make clothes out of his skin.

But, he then remembered that he was a grown up and decided to head up the stairs to bed (after he’d locked up properly).

At this point in the story, we’ll cut to my house, where I'm laying in bed reading. My phone rings. I see from caller ID that it’s Tommy’s cell phone and I answer.

Except no one’s on the line.

I’ve had cell phones call me without their owners knowledge before. Usually, I cup my hand around the mouthpiece and yell the person’s name into the phone. Which is what I did. A couple of times.

Cut back to Tommy. He’s walking up the stairs in a house that he KNOWS should be empty and hears someone calling his name, very faintly. So, does he do what any rational human being would do under those circumstances (especially remembering the unlocked door) which is to run and hide in the nearest closet and maybe pee yourself a bit? No, in the quiet, questioning and clearly freaked out voice of someone who suspects an intruder in house, but is too polite to run for a butcher knife he says, "Hellooooo?"

Now here we run into one of the really frustrating things about text. If I were a better writer, it wouldn’t be an issue. I would be able to convey how truly ridiculous and hilarious the way he said that one word was. But the way he said that ‘hello’ is impossible for me to convey in the written word. The fact that he responded at all, still makes me laugh, sometimes to the point of tears. Just picturing him going up the stairs, hearing this disembodied voice saying his name. Seeing him pause, mid step and respond, Hellooooo? Oh crap, it’s enough to make me snort.

I yell his name into the phone again and he finally realizes where the voice is coming from (his pocket) and also the fact that he recognizes it.

It’s interesting (but basically irrelevant) to note that I was uncharacteristically unconcerned at all of this. I’m usually the type of person that will imagine all kinds of horrible and totally unlikely scenarios given the slightest provocation. The fact that my mind didn’t immediately jump to an image of Tommy, trussed up by a burglar, trying desperately and quietly to call his big sister for help, probably prevented an unwanted visit from the police after I called 911.

So when he finally gets to the phone and both of us realize what’s happened, he tells me that if it wasn’t so totally hilarious, he would likely be crying as he was that freaked out.

But here’s my sisterly advice, Tommy. If this situation ever presents itself again, at least take off your shoe to defend yourself with.

Happy Birthday, Lindsay

I think one of the more amusing things about being an adult is embarrassing younger members of the family. My mom and aunt did it to me and, looking back, it was pretty funny. One of my personal favorites was the time that my mom followed the boy’s varsity basketball team’s bus all the way to one of their away games. She waved and honked the whole time. After experiences like that, you realize that no matter how much mortification you feel at any one time, eventually you get over it.

It’s kind of like giving birth. After surviving that, you know you can handle most anything.

I got the chance to pay it forward when my cousin, Lindsay, was in Jr. High.


(This is a picture taken 18 years ago of Lindsay and my brother, Tommy.)

I was helping to shuttle some girls to the movies for her birthday party. As I drove them home, they requested that I go by, not-surprisingly, a boy’s house. A boy that Lindsay had a crush on.

Of course, I was more than willing to do it.

As we headed toward the house, we actually drove right by the boy and a couple of his friends walking down the street. All the girls, except Lindsay, squealed that I should turn around to go talk to them. And after a block or two, I did.

As I slowed down to make a U-turn, Lindsay, who was sitting in the passenger seat, opened her door, jumped out of the car and took off down the street, away from the boys. I never even had a chance to stop the car and she was gone. She was haulin ass, with her arms pumping and her head thrown back, like her body was actually going faster than what her head could keep up with.

I let her go. And decided that if she wasn’t going to stick around, I was really going to embarrass her.

So, I pulled up next to the boys, rolled down my window and asked, “Is one of you Dennis?” [Note- I don’t actually remember what the poor kid’s name was, but for this story, it’s going to be Dennis.] The rest of the girls were, by this time, giggling hysterically in the back seat.

Dennis, who never did admit to actually being Dennis, by the way, looked terrified. I’m not sure if he was more worried about the older woman (I was probably 19 or 20) who knew his name or the car full of laughing girls.

To put him at ease, I said, “I think you know my cousin, Lindsay. Well, it’s her birthday today, and since I didn’t get her anything, I was hoping you would come back to her house with us and be her birthday present.”

Needless to say, he did not get into my car.

Smart boy.

But we did give him directions in case he changed his mind.

So, Happy Belated Birthday, Lindsay. I hope I didn’t do any permanent psychological damage.

And I didn't get you anything this year, either. I have been driving around random neighborhoods with bus fair to Durango, looking for guys. I don't really know your type, though.